Why do I worry so much?
Last night I read some of Ashley’s (lilblueboo) posts for the first time. She has an amazing story. She and her family recently sold all of their stuff and moved to the mountains of North Carolina to escape the weight of the world, to write, and to start fresh.
I so want to do something like that. I feel this need to escape from the worries of our Southern California culture.
Before I fell asleep, I realized that I worry so much about money. Not that we don’t have enough…I worry about that too. But I mean why do I spend so much? What am I even spending it on? and Why do I buy the things I buy?
In prayer, I realized that it’s not that I want more money. I just don’t want to have to worry about money. I want freedom from worry.
I can’t stand living day after day worrying about money: how will we afford 5 sets of braces? 5 cars when they are teenagers? 5 college educations? 5 weddings?
And in prayer, I realized that I don’t have to worry. It might sound elementary, but it was a comforting realization: my heavenly Father is enough. He will provide our daily bread. Just like he provided manna and quail for his people coming out of Egypt. It may not have been the best meals ever, but it was enough. It was from heaven, and it sustained them.
So even if I just have enough for each day–one sweet day at a time–it is enough.
Straight from the Lord’s prayer: “Give us this day our daily bread.”
The prayer that asks, “God please provide more money!” (Um, confession…I pray that prayer a lot) was replaced with a new prayer:
“God, please take away the worry about money. Neither worry nor money will take the throne of my heart and direct my choices. Only you, God, my provider, will receive my worship and devotion, and you have the throne of my heart and the power to direct my actions, including how I make money and how I spend money.”
The first prayer, “God please provide more money!” could not be answered in the moments before I went to sleep.
But the second prayer, “God, turn my heart to trust you for our daily bread. Take away the worry!” was a prayer that he answered instantly.