Appreciating Our Husbands
Remember when I mentioned in this post a few days ago that marriage and motherhood have taught me that I am innately selfish …
Today I am writing about the importance of appreciating our husbands–especially while we are pregnant.
3 Reasons Why It’s Hard to Show Appreciation
10 months of pregnancy are some of the most trying times in our marriage, even if we don’t realize it right away.
Part of the reason might be because…
1. I have to be pregnant and he doesn’t. It seems unfair sometimes … if I focus on the difficult and negative things about pregnancy. Why do I have to go through all of this and he doesn’t? But our poor husbands have to put up with us being pregnant and we don’t have to put up with them being pregnant. Can you imagine? What if they were the ones complaining about every strange smell and demanding food cravings for 10 months? Yikes! Pregnancy is a lesson in patience and grace for all of us.
2. I don’t feel like myself. I don’t feel like the same person anymore. Sometimes I don’t feel attractive, sometimes I do. Sometimes I want to have sex, sometimes I don’t. At times, my emotions are all over the place. Other times, I feel really calm and collected while other people lose their patience. Today I might feel like being alone, tomorrow I might be desperate to get out of the house. My husband has to put up with all of these changes as well. How is he supposed to make plans if he doesn’t know what my mood will be that day?
3. I go into survival mode. All these instincts kick in that tell me to take care of myself: eat food. sleep. don’t overdo it. take it easy. eat more food. no, not that food. eat protein and vegetables. drink water. drink more water. cold icy water. cold icy water with lemon. You’ve been there too?
It could be that if I don’t take care of myself, I will be totally and completely sick and useless for the rest of the day. It could be that if I don’t eat the right food and drink enough water, my ankles will swell up and I won’t be able to walk–or take care of the kids–for the rest of the day. So there is an urgency to the messages my body is sending me during pregnancy.
Even in my 5th pregnancy, I have not learned to think of my husband’s needs at the same time that I am in survival mode.
I Appreciate Andy So Much
Thank God my husband is extremely easygoing and loving, because he has to put up with a lot! Like when I ask him to pick up something from the grocery store after he’s already in his pajamas. Or when I ask him to give the kids a bath (which is every night!) so that I can take some time to write. (He’s getting them out of the bath right now … what a sweetheart!)
I think the trouble comes in when I expect or demand him to help me, rather than asking politely. Sometimes I have to check myself and ask, “If this were my friend instead of my husband, would I ask her the same question in the same tone, with the same wording? Or would I ask the same question in a different way, with a kinder tone and without the demand that she say yes? After all, she is an adult with the right to say she can’t do it, right? Well so is Andy. In fact, he is even more valuable. He is my partner, my beloved. He has to put up with me every day! So I want to be a loving partner that he looks forward to seeing every day, not a nagging wife that he wants to avoid as much as possible.
Man, it took me 5 years of marriage to learn that. (We’ve been married over 11 years now, and the second half of our marriage has been much better than the first 5 years. Andy agrees!)
Last night I was thinking about how much I appreciate Andy. He has been loyal and encouraging through all 5 of my pregnancies. He has taken over parenting and dirty dishes when I can’t take it anymore. He has coached me through labor and delivery 4 (soon 5) times. He’s been there to cut the umbilical cord and hold each sweet little miracle, and he has been there for us every day of our kids’ lives, protecting, providing, loving us. What an amazing guy!
As wives, we are better off focusing on all the positive things about our husbands, and forgiving all the little hurtful things, or the things we have no control over. Choosing to be content, positive, and joyful is an easier way to live–for everyone. Keeping an appreciative attitude is especially important when we are pregnant and/or have little ones to care for. We are a team. Once you have kids, you are a team forever, whether you like it or not. By appreciating our husbands, we help the team succeed.
What Do You Appreciate About Your Spouse?
In honor of appreciating our husbands, I would love for everyone who reads this post to comment below (scroll down to where it says “Leave a Reply” or, if you are reading this as an email, click here) and write something you appreciate about your husband! Don’t be shy … just click and leave a quick note. Watch how love grows in your heart toward your husband today. Other comments are welcome as well. Any guys reading this? Comment with what you appreciate about your wife!
Chelsea, I love the way you write and I so enjoy reading your posts! I totally agree with the tone of voice part, especially while
I was pregnant. My hubby was super patient with me for all I put him through! He would say that I had the most important job of growing a child inside my own body. He understood how hard it could be. I had a full time teaching job up until my 38th week
Oops I didn’t finish! What I was saying is that I think I cried almost every day from all the work and being tired, etc. He always knew how to motivate and encourage me to keep going. God has blessed me with an incredible man who loves me more than I could have imagined. And now he loves our Molly so much and will help in any way! Thank you, Lord, for husbands!
Lindsey, I am so glad you have such an understanding husband and father to your precious Molly! Enjoy your time together this weekend! xo
I love that you remember the little things. Early on in my marriage, I told John I didn’t like being impressed or surprised. He has remembered that. Small trinkets, notes, a single cut flower from our garden make my day!!!! I am encouraged just by these memories to do the same for him. Refill a cup of coffee (he works at home) or bring him lunch, or blocking the door when the kids want to barge into his studio. We have had our up and downs. It those moments just after when you realize you choose this man and it really has been wonderful.
Be blessed Chelsea! You are a wonderful wife, mom, and writer!
thanks for the encouragement! yes, I think the little things really add up over the years. The big things are short-lived, but the little things are every day. thanks for that reminder! so glad you enjoy my writing!
My husband is a true helpmate. He never says “that’s your job” ( well except for cooking, but that’s Ok because I would like to be able to eat it. Steve agrees.) Coming to Los Angeles was a huge change for me, and he was and is my rock. His unconditional love helped me through many difficulties. I could identify with Abraham when God sent him packing to settle in a strange land. I left all I knew, family, friends, job, you name it because God’s answer to my prayer for a husband ( Yes, I prayed for my husband for many years.) was revealed in Steve. My husband is my biggest fan, he rallies behind me in my endeavors and never speaks a discouraging word. His anchor is God and he firmly holds me anchoring us both with God. He’s amazing and gift from God, and I never want to take him for granted. I will always cherish him.
What beautiful words! I am so happy for you both!
I so appreciate the fact that my husband is always WILLING. I’m not blind to the fact that our 14 yr relationship has been rocky, to put it very gently; but he, even when he’s felt he’s “done,” will always give the next thing a try. I,, even when I’ve thought I’m “done,” feel blessed that God has put that willingness in both our hearts. 🙂
BEAUTIFUL post, as always! You already know how my family feels about yours.❤️
This is amazing! I love your heart and your attitude of forgiveness and hope.