Am I Ruled By Fear?
Welcome to Post #3 in my series #40Before40 posts: What I’m Loving and What I’m Learning. Join the Conversation.
I have finally learned not to make my decisions based on fear. If I make my decisions based on fear, then Fear is my god, and I have become my own worst enemy. If I still based my decisions on fear, I would never have started a blog. I would never have self-published a book. I would never have gone more than three weeks past my due date to give birth naturally. I would never have married Andy or anyone. I would never have written this post.
For me, learning about my own fear and how it inhibited me from living my life to the fullest was a spiritual lesson. I didn’t even know that Fear was governing my life until I saw Fear with my own eyes. I write about this spiritual experience in the book I’m working on, Heavenly Here With You, more thoroughly.
I knew that I was checking my doors three or more times before bed to make sure they were locked; I knew that I would scream if my child wandered away at Target; I knew that I never answered my door if it was a stranger–I talked to them through the window. But I didn’t know that Fear had become a burden in my life. It was holding me back. I wasn’t sleeping well–I had to sleep with the light on and check on my kids 2 or 3 times throughout the night. I was starting to refuse to eat food made by other people in case it wasn’t prepared or cooked correctly and it would make me or my kids sick.
One time, a couple asked me to take a photo of them with their camera. The camera looked weird, and I held it a foot away from my face in case it was going to explode when I pushed the button. The couple gave me a really weird look when I practically threw the camera back to them and scampered away.
It sounds insane to me now, but I have finally identified my fear and learned to trust God. I always thought I trusted God–and I sort of did. But I let Fear guide my decisions. If Fear is guiding my decisions, I can never follow God, who calls me to do bold, courageous, even dangerous things in His name.
The very same day that I identified the fear in my life and refused to let it rule me was the day I had the courage to sit down and publish my first blog post–it was a poem that I ended up deleting a week later. But I did it. Because I wasn’t ruled by fear, but motivated by the excitement of life’s possibilities and guarded by confidence in who God has made me to be.
Fear is a scheme of the enemy. If you let it sink into your heart, you become your own worst enemy. Don’t let Fear make a home in your being.
Let’s refuse Fear and claim freedom in the name of Jesus Christ.