To be honest, I am a nervous wreck right now. I am in the last phase before my book is released and it’s sort of–OK, it’s really really scary. It makes me feel very vulnerable to be sharing my story, my testimony, with the world.
But it is also one of the best, most rewarding things I have ever done. And it has changed and healed me.
Because I have been a wreck, I have been spending a lot of time in prayer. A lot of time listening to the Bible on my YouVersion app. The topic of confession has been on my heart. So I thought I’d share a few thoughts about what the Lord is teaching me about confession. I guess I’m not really talking about the kind of confession that goes on when I pray silently. I’m talking about the scary kind: public confession.
Confession is important. Not because my mistakes are anybody’s business. Not because people need to know. Not because others have a right to know what I have done wrong.
Confession is important because confession transforms my heart.
I will say it again because it is so awesome and exciting: Confession transforms my heart.
The alternative is not so great. The alternative is to hide things, avoid things, tell lies, and keep secrets.
Secrets allow me to make up stories. I make up stories about what other people must think of me. What a terrible person I am. How I deserve hell. How people must really hate me.
Others who suspect that something is wrong with me also make up stories. They know that something is going on but they don’t know the details. So they fill in the blanks. Sometimes this becomes gossip or slander.
Secrets lead to deception. Lies enter in. Lies grow. Bad habits form. Bad habits grow. Secrets are a breeding ground for sin to grow. Does keeping a secret make the sin die? Never, it makes it grow.
The reason I need to confess is not because it is other people’s business to know my faults and my mistakes.
I confess because confession is a soul cleanse. Confession, even with all of its consequences, allows the healing process to begin. Confession is not easy, but that is why it transforms my heart.
Only God can bring me to the place where my heart is ready to confess. Because really, who likes to confess? No one except the person who knows for sure that God will bring healing as a result of the confession.
I didn’t know that my book Goodnight to My Thoughts of You would be a sort of confession. I didn’t know that writing about my past would bring me complete healing.
I realized this week that my book Goodnight to My Thoughts of You is my testimony. I never looked at it that way until this week, but it makes so much sense now. God has commanded us to share our testimonies. I am so grateful for the process it has been: praying, writing, confessing, healing = humility, thankfulness, and freedom.